(17)Monday and Tuesday in Hanoi
December 17, 2007
SlideshowNote: I’m posting Monday and Tuesday together. The internet connection here is garbage; it took me nearly five hours to get Sunday’s post and photos to upload this morning (which was Tuesday morning) after trying for hours on both Sunday night and Monday morning. (I type the posts in Word documents here and there when I have any free time and put each set of photos into an individual folder so that when I have a chance, I can upload quickly. We haven’t been so lucky with the internet since we got to Hanoi, though, and it’s frustrating me!) I’m hoping that I can get both posts and a set of photos to upload together. If I’m only able to get the post to load, I’ll do my best to upload the photos tomorrow at the airport (either VN, Hong Kong, or LAX) if I have a chance. We have some cute photos of Mattix to share!
MONDAYThis morning sucked. I think we had a day last week that sucked. Well, this morning did, too. Mattix woke up tired (imagine that – none of us slept all night), cranky, teething, and with his little adorable face covered in scabies ouchies. Strike Three. I really dropped the ball when I applied the scabies medication the other day. I covered his body in it, but was super ultra conservative with his face because I was paranoid about it. That was stupid, stupid, stupid, because all the scabies have done is simply close up shop on his body, relocate to the untreated area (his face) and go to town. His face is a wreck. I made an executive decision to reapply the medication just to his face. Because I barely put any on his face the other day, I was 99% certain it would do far more good than harm to treat his face. I was correct, because by the end of the day, although his face is still all scabby and itchy, it’s very apparent the evil buggers have all but died off. With scabies bumps, it’s very apparent when the scabies are alive and active vs. dead (leaving just the scabbed over bump behind). By the end of the day, we could all (our travel group) see the big improvement. I can’t wait for the horrible itchy bumps to go away, though, because they just look so uncomfortable. I know that will take a few weeks, but at least all the scabies should finally be dead.
The rest of the morning was crappy because Mattix is teething. When you add that to his extreme sleepiness, he was quite the pistol this morning. Nothing was making him happy. I gave him some baby Tylenol and rubbed Ambesol into his gums, hoping to give him a little relief. He was very fussy and cranky. By the time we made it down to the breakfast buffet, we nearly missed it. And for the record, the breakfast buffet here pales in comparison to that at the Rex. The food is not at all traditional Vietnamese (the Rex had lots of good choices) and it’s icky. In fact, even if you don’t compare it to the Rex, it’s a huge letdown. I guess it’s kind of what you’d expect from any buffet (garbage). The Rex was very unexpected in a great way. (Does anyone want to tell me how much time I spend discussing food? It’s no wonder I’m a “big American.”) Ed held Mattix while I shoved my food around my plate (as opposed to the usual shoveling of it down my gullet). We had already fed him baby food this morning when we woke up, so Ed gave him a bottle of apple juice (which I’m going to have to start cutting with water, because he looovveeesss it so much he can drink 10 ounces within a few hours). Poor little guy was so miserable he fell asleep sitting straight up with the bottle in his mouth. Sensing a wonderful opportunity for a nap, we immediately got up and went upstairs, hoping he’d stay asleep. Well, he did…long enough for Ed to put him in his crib and sneak out of here. We haven’t put him in a crib since he joined us last week because I feel adverse to them, given the fact that’s he spent 23 hours a day in a nasty metal crib for almost ten months. The idea of a crib for sleeping really bothers me (this is just my issue). However, because I wasn’t going to lay down with him today and I planned to be in the other room, I didn’t want to leave him on the bed alone and leave the room. He throws himself around the bed so violently that I worry. We usually block him in with pillows just to be safe, but this new bed is much smaller and therefore concerns me. So, Ed carefully laid him down in the crib and we snuck out and shut the door. Ed then went downstairs to get some paperwork done while I was supposed to hang out, relax, and let Mattix sleep.
Right as Ed walked out the door, I heard Mattix let out a cry. He does that often during his sleep, so I held still and prayed it would be short one and he would pass back out. He got quiet quickly, so I assumed that he had never fully woken up. However, five minutes later, I just knew I could hear something in there, so I opened the door. My heart broke. He had woken up and was sitting in his crib, staring longingly through the slats, with a blank look on his face. Even as I approached the crib talking to him, he just stared straight ahead, quiet. I reached into the crib and waited for him to hold his arms out to me (we’re doing this so he learns to reach for us when he needs us). He did, so I scooped him up and nearly cried for him. Once he was out, he lit back up and started smiling at me and giggling. I’m pretty sure that’s the end of the crib situation for a while. Good thing we bought him a beautiful, expensive crib and bedroom set!
We hung out for a few hours and played. Guess what happened next? We had our usual morning diaper blow out. I’m beginning to suspect that Ed knows when to anticipate these, because he wasn’t here to help when it happened (I’m no longer buying into the “I have to get some work done” excuse). This one was sort of expected. Here’s the story. He was on the floor playing with his new toy (an empty plastic garbage can with the plastic liner removed – yeah, we really spoil our kid). I thought his diaper might be wet, so I set him on the bed and removed it. I was in the middle of changing his soaking wet diaper when he dropped one tiny (but horrifyingly stinky) little treat just before I pulled the diaper away. Unlike Ed, I’m not tryin’ to hang around and see how much I can catch, so I quickly stuck the new one on, left his pants off, and set him on the floor to do his thing. I literally sat there and watched him go to town. He’s a grunter for sure. He twists his little face up and grunts like nobody’s business. (These are the kinds of stories I know he’ll want his future girlfriends to hear/read) After each “deposit,” he smiled and giggled, all pleased with himself. He did this for about ten minutes. I gave him an extra two or three just to be sure he’d wrapped it up, because I was not going down Ed-style. Right as I was ready to scoop him up and change his diaper, he threw himself backwards in one of his famous back-arching fits, thereby smearing the mess up the back of and out the top of his cheap garbage crap diaper, all over his back and shirt. I seriously thought I’d hit the jackpot as far as “neat” and to the point, but nooooo, of course not. So, I’m trying to hold him up with one hand, get the diaper off with the other, pull his poopy shirt off, not pass out (because this was the motherload of all stinkfests) and wipe him down with baby wipes all at the same time. Thirty seconds into cleanup duty, Ed walked in. Thank goodness. Double points for Ed. Not only did he get back just in time, but he was carrying a “Coca Cola Light” (VN Diet Coke) for me. We got Mattix cleaned up and redressed and all was well. (And I enjoyed my Coca Cola Light). Mattix returned to his toys: stacking cups and the hotel’s plastic garbage can. (Note to family: if you bought Mattix any real toys for Christmas, take them back immediately. Just go to Target and buy a brightly colored small plastic garbage can. This thing is like gold, and it’s just a boring solid white hotel version. He pushes it all over the room, bangs on it, and has more fun than imaginable. If you pick it up and toss it five feet in front of him (yes, Ed was doing that, and no, I’m not too impressed), he takes off after it, giggling and smiling. I can’t decide if this is cute or heartbreaking because he’s probably never had any real toys. Either way, we’re having a heck of a time getting him to play with any of the real toys that we brought for him other than those stacking cups. Maybe we’ll have better luck once we’re home.)
Oh, before I forget, the best thing ever happened today. Mattix crawled over to me (which he often does), sat at my feet and actually reached his arms up to me for the first time because he wanted to be picked up. He made an irritated squeaking noise, which is his signature “I want something now” sound. Ed and I were thrilled. He’s learning that someone will indeed respond to him when he makes a “request.” This is great progress. I can’t remember if I mentioned it yet, but I talked with Thuy the other night. I asked her whether the children are slower at language acquisition because although Mattix is young, he’s only heard Vietnamese for the past ten months. I figured that it will take him longer a bit longer to learn to speak because it’s like we’re staring over. Not only did she say that yes, he would most likely start talking a little behind the “normal” schedule, but that even if we spoke Vietnamese, he would probably be slower to learn to talk because the nannies don’t talk to the kids much except briefly during feeding times and play time. I guess they’re just that busy or short staffed. Furthermore, I asked her if he spent most of his time in his crib (b/c of his flat head) and she said that yes, most of his time was spent in a crib. So the whole point of this information is to confirm what Ed and I thought last week. Mattix really didn’t know how to be held and it’s very unnatural for him. Many babies seem to pick it up quickly and just go with it, but Mattix is not so “natural” with the holding thing. However, we’re making a little bit of progress each day and today was a really, really big step.
After more playtime, we headed downstairs to meet the group and go to the United States Embassy for our exit interviews. This may come as a shock, but our government operates the same here as it does in the states: slow and late. We sat in a totally empty room (other than our group’s three families) until someone finally came out and brought the first family in 45 minutes after our appointment time. It’s strange. We entered a small room, where the woman interviewing us (who was very nice) is behind some very thick glass. The good news is that the appointment is quick and easy because the legwork is done before we even get to Vietnam under the new I600 process. I asked the interviewer how she felt about the new procedure. She said that we were her very first “new” Visa interviews, but she thought it would work much, much better.
She only asked us a few questions about whether we were able to spend any time at Mattix’s orphanage, how many babies were there, and the age of the babies. We answered honestly, of course. I know that the reason she asked this was because in the past, rumor has it that a few other agencies were referring out of orphanages with rooms full of healthy, young, female infants. These are the children that Americans seem to want to adopt the most, so it is highly suspect when an orphanage is filled with “in demand” babies, most of similar age and sex. Fortunately, Ed and I had absolutely no concerns when we visited Kien Giang (as far as anything inappropriate with referrals; quality of care is an entirely separate issue that I’m not prepared to deal with right now). His baby room had about eight or so infants of varying ages and sexes and with different physical abilities. Only one of the babies was very young.
After the embassy appointments, we caught cabs to the Water Puppet show. I’m sure the water puppet show is neat and all, but not so much for a ten month old who doesn’t care to sit still. We arrived early, so we walked across the street (I was certain we were going to die, as the traffic here is much worse than in Saigon and they drive so much faster) to another “lake” for some sightseeing and photos. “Lakes” in Vietnam are very different than lakes in the states. It was certainly fairly large, but I believe it’s cemented. I’m not sure we would call it a lake. On a good day, it kind of reminds me of the huge pond at Encanto Park where you go for paddle boat rides (if you’re middle name is “Danger” and you wish to catch a strange, incurable, water-borne disease). On any other day, as our travel mate Karen said, it looks and smells like a wastewater treatment facility. Anyway, Mattix finally conked out. He was so tired and I was so happy. I was praying he’d stay asleep during the Puppet Show, but no such luck. They allowed me to carry his stroller up to the back row so he could sleep in it during the show. He was out like a light, but unfortunately, one of our travel mates sat down on the step in front of him and accidentally gave him a good jar, which ended the very brief nap all too soon. I jumped up and took my crying baby out into the lobby. He was so overtired, he alternated between smiling and giggling and whining. Ed was kind enough to come out about 20 minutes later so I could go back and watch a bit. The water puppet show is definitely neat and the music is pretty, but I think it’s something he’d like in about five years. We didn’t make the whole show because one couple wasn’t feeling well. Oh well. Maybe on the next trip.
One other dad, his mother-in-law, their newly adopted adorable daughter, La (CHI staff), Ed, Mattix, and I went to dinner at the hotel’s restaurant, which serves Chinese food. The food was good and the service was incredible. Even better, they brought out a high chair with an actual real strap to hold the baby in. So far, any restaurant that offered a “high chair” offered just that: a high chair. A narrow, tall version of a chair – totally open in the front, no strap, no tray, nothin’. Each time I was puzzled because I would wonder if other 10 month old Vietnamese babies really stay in those chairs. I’d be shocked. Anyway, we strapped Mattix in and much to our surprise (and delight), he was happy. We cleared away all of the glass items on the table (there were a ton), put some of his toys (stacking cups) out, scooted him really close to the table, and he went to town. He kept dropping his stacking cups, and each time one of the women would stop and pick it up before I even had a chance to grab it. By the tenth time, I was starting to feel bad, so I put the cups away and gave him a magic biscuit. I was a little nervous about the mess, but I was so excited to have him sit still at the table that I decided it was worth it. He had a great time with the biscuits, only throwing them on the floor four or five times (we observe a five second rule in our family now). We ordered apple juice for him, which was fresh squeezed and delicious. Lucky I’m a nice mom, or I would have kept it for myself. I put it in his bottle and that really pleased him. Our dinner came and he was still good to go through most of it. In fact, Ed and I only had to take one turn each, walking him around for five or ten minutes. It was like magic! I’m think he might do better than expected in a high chair once we’re home.
Dinner was not bad, but I was let down that I was eating Chinese food! I love real Vietnamese food so much and I’ve been very disappointed that the food here in northern Vietnam seems so different than in southern Vietnam. When we were in KG and Saigon, I looked forward to eating. Here, it’s just sort of a chore. We did, however, have a really nice time with the Rankeys and La. We laughed a lot and enjoyed their company. It was the first dinner where neither Ed nor I were either holding a baby in our laps or doing laps around the restaurant with a baby in our arms. We were able to eat at the same time with two free hands each, and we weren’t scrambling to stuff our food down so the other could have a turn. Mattix sat between us and was such a sweetheart. He laughed and smiled a lot; I think he’s become comfortable enough with our travel group to behave more like himself when he’s around them. Too bad everyone else is leaving tomorrow!
We came back to the room and Ed volunteered to take on bedtime duty before he started working. Lest he think I’m slow, I know his eager beaver attitude was a result of his after-hours plans. The three guys in our travel group were meeting in the bar downstairs much later tonight for drinks. I was perfectly fine with him leaving for a while, but I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t glad that he felt obligated to take on bedtime duty tonight! It’s difficult to put Mattix to sleep. Not difficult as in I-don’t-want-to-do-it-because-it’s-a-chore, but rather it is emotionally difficult for me. I’m having a really hard time accepting how tough his life must have been; the absolute trauma he experiences when he tries to sleep is gut wrenching. I know some biological kids have trouble falling asleep, but I don’t believe that this is at all a common issue with non-institutionalized kids. You’d have to see it to really understand how distressing it is for him.
And that’s where I’m at now. I’m typing next to Mattix so that I can give him his bottle and rub his back each time he wakes up crying. I’m waiting for Ed to return because my insulin pump malfunctioned earlier (it didn’t start back up after I changed out an infusion set) and my blood sugar is now 400. Certainly not the end of the world and nothing to complain about, but it’s taking a toll because my blood sugars have been so wonderfully in-line during 90% of our trip. Highs like this are far more impacting when the averages are so great! I took a ton of insulin, so I’m also a little worried that I’ll crash and I certainly don’t want to do that in my sleep, especially when a baby that doesn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time is depending on me. We’re obviously going to be tired in the morning, but probably no more tired than we would have been if we’d been in bed around midnight anyway.
Tomorrow morning La is taking us on a mini-tour around town. Ed offered to take Mattix and let me hang around here if I’m not feeling up to it. Although I want to see a few more sights in Hanoi, I might just take him up on that offer, as the lack of sleep is getting to me. I doubt I’ll be able to go back to sleep at 9:00 after having been up for three or four hours, but it might be nice to have two hours of down time all alone! Tomorrow is our last full day, so I’ll try to get one more journal entry in before we leave. I’m really starting to miss home and can’t wait to see everyone (and my own bed) again.
TUESDAYLong day. Where to start? I think I’ll jump to the end of the day and share my massage experience just to get things going. So, at about 5:00 this evening, we were downstairs in the hotel lobby waiting to finalize our departure time tomorrow with La as well as make sure that Mattix’s Visa came in (one other family that was supposed to leave tonight couldn’t because their child’s Visa wasn’t ready). While we were hanging around the lobby, Ed was walking Mattix around and noticed the sign for the spa. He went to check things out and returned to tell me that I should definitely have a massage tonight, as a 45 minute massage was only $22. I love massages, so I was certainly game. He said he’d take Mattix to the bar area (yeah, that’s the kind of parents we are) and feed him dinner while he (Ed) had a beer. If he finished before me, he said he’d meet me upstairs. Sounded good. Who doesn’t want a massage?
And this is when it got interesting. A man walked me upstairs and into a room with two tables and told me to wait (I think). So I waited. And five minutes later, in walked a really tiny, really attractive young Vietnamese woman who said, “You take off clothes.” “Okay,” I said, looking around for the sheet. I couldn’t find one, so I was a little perplexed, but figured I’d just go with the flow. I stood there, patiently waiting for her to leave the room so I could undress and find this invisible sheet with which to cover myself. She looked at me and said sternly, “You undress!” I said, “Now?” and she said, “Yes!” So I motioned to my jeans and said, “Take them off?!” and she said, “Yes! OFF!” and continued to watch me. At this point, it became abundantly clear that I was going to have to strip in front of her. So off came the pants. Then I motioned to my shirt and once again said “Take it off, too?” and of course you know the answer, so off came the shirt. Now, at this point I’m standing there 98% naked when she pointed on my thong. Oh hell no. I said, “I’ll just go ahead and keep that.” I’m not sure she quite understood, but she became distracted by the canula in my stomach (where my insulin pump attaches). She pointed to it and asked, “What?” Try explaining that one with a huge language barrier! I picked up my insulin pump and showed her how it attaches, but I’m not sure that answered the question. Mind you I’m still standing there butt naked (save for a thong) in front of this 90 pound woman, feeling rather awkward. I started feeling strong regret over not bringing a pair of granny panties, but later became thankful that I hadn’t because I’m not sure I would have been able to keep those bad boys on. As it turns out, the butt must apparently be exposed.
She gave up on trying to figure out the pump situation, so she said, “Lie on table.” Oh great. I had to go face down, bare ass up, on the table. I’m trying to figure out how I can just die to avoid this whole situation when she says, “Where you from?” to which I responded “the United States.” She started to giggle. I was a little confused, so I waited a minute and then said, “America” at which point she said, “Really? You not huge and fat like all Americans. You skinny for American. Very good. That funny because most Americans big and fat.” Thanks, I think? I made a mental note to increase her tip from 20% to 40%. Finally, a Vietnamese woman who appreciates my 10 pound weight loss over the last two weeks (I’m nearly back to my pre-August adoption stress weight gain weight for Pete’s sake. It’s about time someone appreciates that, right?) She breaks out a bottle of baby oil (really, actual baby oil) and goes to town on the back end (I’m not making this up). As I lay there far more tense than I have been all week, I’m wondering if she’s still thinking I’m small for an American as she’s elbow deep in cellulite and stretch marks. However, her answer to my next question made things very clear. I figured since we were comfortable enough to chat about fat Americans, I would ask her how long she’s been doing massages. After rephrasing the question ten times (too bad Ed wasn’t there to translate because I’m sure he’s nearly fluent by now), she said, “Two years, but never woman. Always man. No woman.” And there I had it. Yeah, that’s right, compared to American men, I’m small. I made a mental note that a 40% tip was a bit high. Back to 20%.
Well, things just kept getting stranger. I’m used to massages at home where you’re covered with a sheet and the massage therapist only “exposes” the part s/he’s working on, then covers is up when s/he moves onto the next part. That’s not how it goes here. No need for a sheet. Sheets apparently just get in the way. I started realizing that this was actually worse than the dermatologist’s office, where I have the good ‘ol once over every three months so they can check for cancerous moles. I used to feel awkward standing there in shoes and nothing else, arms and legs spread out pat-down style, while the doctor goes over every inch of my naked body with his lighted glasses. In fact, the last time I had an appointment, I forgot about the process and wore heels because I’d just come from a lunch “date” with a few friends. I certainly wasn’t about to stand barefoot on that floor. I thought that nothing could be worse than standing in the dermatologist’s office in a thong and four inch heels, arms and legs spread eagle. To put things in context, that was starting to sound like fun by this point. I’m laying on this woman’s table while she massaged my butt (I’m not messing around here) with enough pressure to make me nauseous (that’s pretty serious, because there are plenty of layers to work through there), thinking about how I could just melt into the table, when I hear said table creak. It took me a few minutes before I realized that she too was up on the table. For the love of God, it does get worse. She’s now up on the table with me, squatted over the above-referenced naked butt, going to town on my back, arms and neck. I think I might have actually enjoyed the massage if I weren’t entirely mortified. But alas, it got worse. She then flipped around so she was facing my feet and started in on the legs. She was squatted over by back, her face only a foot from my naked butt, going after my legs. I was thinking, “How much longer?” when the table suddenly creaked a bit more. She was then standing up, draping a towel over my back (where the hell was this towel twenty minutes ago?). Before I knew what was happening, she was standing on my back. She walked up and down, from the top of my back to my ankles, for about five or six minutes, then hopped down, at which point she crossed one ankle over the other and suddenly bent my pretzeled legs up to my butt. Apparently this woman didn’t get the memo and was unaware of the fact that both of my knees have been surgically altered and put back together and therefore don’t bend so well. I was trying to tell her to stop while at the same time desperately trying not to lose consciousness when she did it again. I was fully seeing black floating stars when she grabbed both of my arms and pulled them behind my back, lifting my entire torso off the table, making my hands touch the back of my ankles. What the hell? I wasn’t aware that I was in some sort of combination S&M/forced yoga session. I’m surprised there were no spiked heels while she walked on my back. That happened two more times. I may or may not have full use of my arms for the next week. It’s too soon to tell and I don’t have the nerve to straighten them out entirely.
After the violent forced contortions, she demanded, “Over.” Fab-u-lous. ‘Cause laying ass up wasn’t bad enough. I somehow managed to flop my injured body over like a dying fish. Back up on the table she went, her tiny butt facing my head; she bent over (in her rather short skirt) and went after my legs and feet. Seriously. I’m not making any of this up. Thank goodness I was allowed to keep the towel, although she had folded it up into a tiny strip across my chest. Better than nothing. Ten minutes later, it was finally over. I need a massage when I get home to mitigate the results of this one.
I came back to the room and warned Ed, who was also considering having a massage around 7:00 (so he’d be back by 8:00). He said that because he knew what to expect (and therefore was prepared to tell her not do certain things), he was good to go. When he came back up to the room, he reported that he received an entirely acceptable massage. He was given a blanket (WHAT?), wore his boxers, and the only “different” part was the walking-on-the-back deal. I guess I learned my lesson. Apparently they don’t work on women here, and if you have the nerve to live dangerously, you will suffer the consequences. Either that, or Ed’s massage was “special” in more ways than mine was and he’s not telling me. At this point, I don’t care.
So back to the beginning of the day. Mattix broke out his 6:00 a.m. wake up call. While I would have preferred 7:00, I have to say that 6:00 beats 5:00! Once again, I woke up to a huge smile two inches from my face. Mattix is an absolute doll in the morning. I want to know where all of this happiness comes from, because I’m exhausted when we wake up. He’s getting about as much sleep as we are (negligible), so why is he so darn happy? I’m glad he’s happy, don’t get me wrong, because if not for that, I’d wake up really, really grumpy from lack of sleep. However, I just don’t get it. He’s all smiles and giggles, ready to tumble around and play with us. I feel like I’m going to vomit I’m so overtired, and yet he’s awake and happy. (I also had an extra long night because the Chinese food we had for dinner last night did me wrong. Really wrong. I’ve been here for nearly two weeks, have eaten at some places that our health department in the states would just burn to the ground because they’re so hopeless, and didn’t get sick once. Then we come to a nice, upscale Chinese restaurant and I spend my entire night regretting it. Go figure.) In Mattix’s usual fashion, once he was sure I was up, he went to work on Ed. Ed resisted quite a bit today, as he’s even more tired than I am b/c he’s working at night, so Mattix eventually gave up and rolled back over to play with me. He’s just so damn precious in the morning. He gives me his two-tooth grin and giggles up a storm.
I decided that I would just hang around the hotel room while Ed and Mattix went on the two hour sightseeing tour. I got up and helped Ed with the whole morning routine (someone tell me how adding one 18 pound child to your family results in a morning routine that takes three times as long as the old one). Ed’s gotten quite clever about these diaper blowouts, so after Mattix’s breakfast, Ed stripped him down to his diaper and set him on the floor in anticipation of the carnage. Two points for Ed, because half an hour later, the familiar stench filled the room and the contents of the diaper started to seep out in all directions. This time, we were able to catch him before he contaminated anything around the room. Very good strategy.
Ed and Mattix went on their tour and I just laid low. Unfortunately, I couldn’t fall asleep, but it was nice to have a few hours of quiet time. When they returned, I did everything humanly possible to get Mattix to sleep for a nap, but to no avail. We finally gave up and headed downstairs to catch a cab. We were going back to the downtown area to buy another suitcase because we didn’t want to deal with the possibility of any of our luggage exceeding 70 pounds. I’m too tired and stressed to handle that right now. Mattix is getting better and better at sitting fairly still in the car. He sat on my lap for half the short ride and stood up and looked out the window for the other. He’s just so interested in the world that it amazes me. He really, really wants to see what’s going on. We had the driver drop us off in front of the theater where the water puppet show takes place and we walked down towards the “mall.” I believe by Vietnamese standards, this is an upscale mall. To my friends at home: you would all die. That’s all I have to say about that. It’s so bizarre and strange to me. There will be a clothing department directly next to a shop that sells refrigerators, which is directly across the isle from a stand that sells irons, blow dryers, and iPods. It’s just so different. It was four floors, and Ed and I checked out each floor, hoping to find a restaurant. Little Mattix was just rolling right along in his stroller, hanging out and taking it all in. Apparently “malls” here don’t have food courts, so we found a Highlands Coffee. I ordered steamed rice with shrimp and a plate of my first American food since arriving in Vietnam. I’m not even going to lie; the French fries were damn good. We fed Mattix his lunch (for some reason, the Veal with tomatoes and carrots that he dined on just didn’t look as good as my fries). He started to get fussy, so I got up and rolled him around for a while until he fell asleep in his stroller. It seems like the only place he’ll sleep during the day is in his stroller. Looks like I’m going to be taking a lot of walks around the neighborhood in the near future. Mattix slept just long enough for Ed and I to finish eating; on the rare occasion that he falls asleep during the day, he seems to like the little catnaps.
We then headed back towards the theater so that we could find a piece of luggage. I can tell I’m ready to go home because happy, nice, American tourist Laura has left the building. I can no longer tolerate people pushing me, trying to sell me things I don’t want, telling me how to care for my baby, and pointing out the scabies rash on his face and alerting me to the fact that my son has a rash. (Really? Cause I didn’t notice. So many people here act as though we’re somehow total morons who don’t notice that our baby’s entire face is covered in scabs and bumps.) The same woman who made me put Mattix’ hood and socks on yesterday (then tried to sell our entire group gum) approached us again today. She made all of us uncomfortable yesterday, and today I was ready to snap, especially when she grabbed my arm. As if that wasn’t enough, another lady who tried to sell me some sort of food actually had the never to hoist her entire setup (a really long bamboo stick thing with a basket hung on each end) onto my shoulder. I firmly said, “No, no, no” and pushed it off of me. If Ed hadn’t been there, I think she would have been the recipient of a good old fashioned fat American style beat down.
I’m finding the north to be VERY different than the south, and I don’t think it’s because we’re nearing the end of our trip and I’m ready to leave. I would have easily stayed in Saigon for another week. It’s just very different here. The only thing I like better is the cooler weather, and I’d take the hot, sweltering heat in the south any day because the people there are much friendlier and it’s a much more enjoyable place. I loved every minute of our time in Saigon. Not so much here. I feel like we’re treated very differently, and not in a good way. Our entire group feels this way. Ed said he notices it, but it doesn’t bother him as much. In the south, lots of people gave us “advice,” but it was done in a much more caring, friendly way. People smiled and were more polite. I also enjoyed the city itself more. Although I thought the traffic was out of control, I really had no idea what out of control was until we arrived here. (The pollution here is also worse.) Maybe if we had time to see more, such as Ha Long Bay and some of the rural areas, I’d feel differently. When we return to Vietnam in the future (hopefully sooner rather than later), I think we’ll start up here for a few days and make a point to visit some of the areas outside of the city that we didn’t have time to see this trip. However, I know that I absolutely loved my time in the south and there’s plenty we didn’t experience that we’ll want to do in the future. Plus, Mattix is from the south, so I’m sure I’m biased.
Anyway, I got off track. We found a suitcase, and let me tell you about my name brand bargain. I’m now the proud owner of a 480,000 Dong ($30) Polo Wang suitcase. Yes, that’s right. Polo Wang. Apparently, Vera Wang and Polo Ralph Laruen got together and had a baby in the form of a very strange piece of cheap luggage. We were assured that we were getting a bargain because of the name brand and high quality. I’m going to be shocked if this thing makes it in one piece. All that matters is that it doesn’t open and spill the contents. It can lose both wheels and the handle for all I care.
We caught a cab back to our hotel and were apparently taken on the scenic route, because the cab ride home cost five times as much as the one that got us there and traffic wasn’t any worse than it was a few hours prior. Mattix was good and tired, but he’s a champ. At least one of us enjoyed the cab ride. We got back to the hotel, dropped off our new piece of name brand luggage, and put Mattix back in the stroller and walked around a bit. We walked down a few side streets that reminded me of really run down areas of Mexico.
When we came back to our hotel lobby, the other members of our travel group were a bit distressed. They were supposed to leave tonight but apparently they were having some issues with the childrens’ Visas. As it turns out, only one couple made their flight (barely) and the other will have to leave tomorrow evening. Mattix’s Visa came back just fine, so we’re leaving in the morning as scheduled. I’m a little worried, because I heard form another travel mate that La won’t be accompanying us to the airport beucase she’s apparently going to stay behind to work on their Visa. I’m not entirely excited about that, but I know everything will work out and we’ll be on our way home.
And there you have it. The massage incident happened next. When I got back, Ed had pretty much packed everything up. He’s now wrapping up a few work-related things and I’m going to finish up so we can both get some sleep before our little human alarm clock goes off in the morning. In his defense, we actually have to get up that early tomorrow!
Overall, this entire trip has been an incredible experience, both because of the obvious reason (we adopted our son) and because Vietnam is an amazing country. Like I said, I have not completely loved my time in the north, but perhaps I didn’t experience enough to really appreciate the good parts. Ed said he enjoyed his time here. We both truly loved everything about our time in KG and Saigon. This has been the most amazing two weeks of our lives.
Ed and I both love Mattix so much, it’s unbelievable. I thought I was really going to suck at this parenting thing because up until ten days ago, I had no parenting instincts whatsoever. In the very beginning of this adoption process, I thought that maybe I just needed a few more years before kids. If Ed weren’t sooooooo old (sorry honey) we probably would have waited a bit longer. But, because we want two kids, we felt like it was time to get going. We started the adoption process like traditional families start “trying.” We had the “it’s time for kids” discussion and started the paperwork. Up until we saw Mattix’s photo (and especially when we hit the five month wait for travel), we weren’t in a big hurry or feeling super rushed. I actually had many moments of panic because I was so worried about my (in)ability to take on the parenting gig. Well, I’m still not great (hey, my kid has a goose egg on his forehead), but many of the things I thought I’d have no idea how to handle don’t require much thought at all. Lots of it just kind of comes to me. Of course not all of it, but much more than I expected. I have waaayyy more patience than I ever expected to have. The sleeping thing is definitely hard, both because I don’t feel well when I’m so exhausted (and trust me, I’m tired – I wasn’t this tired during law school), which makes it hard to deal with a screaming baby, and because I hate that he experiences so much distress and unrest. But still, I’m much better off than I anticipated. Ed too. He’s not exactly stellar with patience when Mattix is crying, but he’s getting better every day and handles so much other stuff like a pro. We’re in a third world country, traveling around, with an adopted child that barely knows us. I think that when we get home, have some time to settle in, (hopefully) get some sleep, and establish some semblance of a routine (we have no idea what that is right now), things will just keep getting better. We’ve been blessed with an incredible baby boy that has changed our lives for the better. I often look at Mattix and can’t believe that we’re really going to raise him. I can’t get over how fortunate we are, even if we’re sleep deprived zombies.
We can’t wait for everyone to meet Mattix, but we’re going to need a little time when we get home to settle in and recover. Ed has to continue with work the morning after we get in, so my mom’s going to come stay with us for a bit to help us readjust and hopefully get some sleep. We’re very concerned about and committed to the bonding process, and as such, Mattix needs some pretty limited contact with the “outside” world for while. Because Christmas comes just a week after we return, it’s already going to be a bit disruptive. We need to spend a lot of family time at home so that he can learn that we are indeed going to be his parents permanently and that we (and only we) will be there to meet his needs. It’s important for him to learn that he can’t just go to anyone or trust anyone as though they’re the “same” as his parents. Because he’s experienced so many serious disruptions in his short ten months, we need to help him realize that this is now permanent and that we’re not going away.
We’ll talk to you soon!
