You suck.

Sincerely,
A very unhappy, sick, scabies-infested mom


I’ll get into our day (which was long but good) in a minute, but first, for the future adoptive families reading this, if you think your child is sick or has scabies, and the doctor at the international clinic (which clinic is supposed to be “good”) tells you otherwise, I would follow my instincts. Turns out the rash isn’t just “viral.” The poor kid is infested with scabies. How do I know this? Because I now have them, too. I’m actually glad I ended up with them because that indicated to me that I needed to treat my little guy. I feel terrible that Mattix has had them since he joined us on Sunday (well, I’m sure he's had them for much, much longer, but I’ve had the ability to do something since Sunday), I’m sitting here with three tubes of Elimite, and he’s scratching away. I started itching last night during my sleep, on my left hand and forearm. It’s a really painful itch, almost aching, then burning. I woke up this morning and told Ed I thought I had scabies, and he told me I was being ridiculous and to stop overreacting. Yeah, well, by this evening, the itchy area on my hand started sprouting a few bumps. I had our travel mate Karen look at Mattix’s rash, especially the one on his feet, and she said that it looked exactly like her son’s rash before they treated it. (Her son, who was from the same orphanage/same baby room as Mattix, had scabies, as diagnosed by an apparently competent doctor at the same international clinic on the same day. It would make sense to me that if one child from the same room has them, another will, too, but nooooo, not so says the incompetent tool bag M.D. from the international clinic.)

So, tonight, we once again called housekeeping and had them strip and replace every last piece of bedding in our room. I think they are starting to wonder what the hell we’re doing in here that necessitates new bedding twice a day (they replace the sheets and pillow cases every morning, and here we are calling them a second time each day to replace those and the comforter). I gave Mattix a bath and covered him with Elimite from head to toe, showered myself and covered myself, and had Ed shower and do the same. Although Ed apparently escaped the wrath of the scabies, we decided that everyone gets treated to avoid reinfestation.

The good news is that it should only take one treatment to get rid of them, and they totally die within 24-48 hours. The bad news is GROSS. Seriously. Gross. I’ve never even had head lice, and here I am sporting skin mites. Cool. Actually, I’m handling this really well. I didn’t even freak out. Having a kid makes you very level-headed. Non-mommy Laura wouldn’t have done so well with having little microscopic bugs hanging out under her skin, but Mommy Laura just went straight for the solution. Although you only need one treatment, it’s safe to treat for up to five days in a row, so because Mattix and I are rockin’ the parasites, I think I’m going to treat the two of us for at least three days. To everyone at home, not to worry. You can’t catch them from casual contact at all and even if you could, they’ll be long dead by the time we leave Vietnam. Like I said, they all die within two days. In fact, the itching is starting to lessen, and I just applied the bug killer cream three hours ago. And if you Google “scabies” like I did, don’t freak out. Neither Mattix nor I look anything like those horrible pictures. While his rash isn’t exactly lookin’ good, it’s nothing like most of the worst-case scenario pictures on the ‘net, and I only have three small bumps on my hand.

Like I said, I’m mostly upset because this poor little guy has probably had these things for most of his ten months and I should have just known to treat him right away. I could see them in so many sets of photos we received. When we finally had him, I wanted to treat him but Thuy suggested we wait to see if it got better because the kids sometimes just have bad heat rashes or terrible eczema. That's completely reasonable. However, when it didn’t get better, I should have just treated him instead of assuming that the “doctor” (I use the term loosely) at the clinic knew what she was talking about. Poor little guy. It’s only been three or four hours and already you can tell he’s not itching much. Karen’s son was feeling better within eight hours as well, so the good news is that he should be like a new baby by tomorrow morning.

Next order of business: not only do I look like a dude, I now sound like one. This may come as a shock, but the “doctor” at the international clinic was….wrong again! Mattix obviously has some sort of nasty infection, and now, so do I. I caught my first illness from my child. This certainly doesn’t feel like a cold, so I’m breaking out the Amoxicillin for myself and the Clamoxly for Mattix (you know, the antibiotics the “doctor” at the clinic gave my “not sick” son). I’m really hopeful that it’s just an infection. Could be the bird flu. Probably a 50-50 shot. There were enough chickens, ducks and roosters living around the places we drove through on the way to KG that you never know. We’ll see. I’ll either die or get better, right? (I’m totally kidding, just in case you missed the sarcasm.) Ed can’t decide if my new deep voice is low and sexy or creepy (too dude-ish). I suspect he’s having mixed feelings about liking it, yet realizing I sound like a man. He’ll have to sort that out for himself. I’m too busy scratching my scabies to help.

On to more important things…

This morning, our little “birthday boy” decided that he was going to sleep in. I’m happy he had a good night’s sleep. Really, I am. I just want to know why he decided to sleep in on the one day when Mom and Dad had to be downstairs at 8:00 a.m. Instead of his usual 5:00 a.m. wakeup call, WE actually had to wake him up at 7:00. And he was annoyed. Really, really annoyed. I was annoyed that I had to get up at 6:00, so I totally understand. After a little wakeup time, he was back to his happy morning self. He’s starting to like the duck-bath, and today we discovered today that it actually quacks. (Note for future adoptive families: I would highly recommend the duck bath. It’s inflatable, doesn’t take up that much room in your luggage, and it’s pretty light. We just keep it inflated in the bathroom. The tubs here are large and slippery, and without Mr. Duck, I’d be worried about him falling backwards and hitting his little head. It makes bath time much easier and much more fun. I bought it at Walmart in the baby section.)

Once we were dressed and ready, we had just enough time to run upstairs to my new favorite place – the breakfast buffet – where Ed and I shoveled down a bit of food in between feeding Mattix. We’re getting really good at this. One of us puts him in our lap, and we alternate giving him bites. Ed gives Mattix a bite of yogurt while I take a bite of my food, then I give Mattix a bite of yogurt while Ed takes a bite of his food (Ed’s food, not Mattix’s!). So much for my weight loss plan.

We left for the Mekong Delta around 8:15. It was a 1.5 hour ride, which seemed like small potatoes compared to the seven hour ride to/from KG. Mattix isn’t going to be keen on his car seat. I see a lot of screaming in the future for us. He does not like to be confined or to hold still. Lucky for him, there are no seatbelts or car seats here, so he doesn’t have to hold still, but things are certainly going to change in a week!

We arrived at the Mekong Delta and met our tour guide, Kim, who was awesome. She speaks (and writes) five languages fluently: Vietnamese (1st language), Russian, French, English, and Mandarin. She studied in Russia for five years when she was in college. Pretty impressive. Her English was amazing. She said that in order to have a good job here, a person must speak English. She told me that we (Americans) are lucky because we can go almost anywhere in the world and get by because English is spoken in so many places.

We had to climb onto an old, rickety boat for the ride across the river. That was interesting. There are no handrails or anything. You just walk down a narrow slab of concrete and onto the front of the boat. Ed carried Mattix because I wasn’t quite ready to fall into the Mekong with the baby. For someone who hates water and used to get nauseous and panicky ridding across the bay to downtown San Diego in a ferry when we lived in Coronado, I certainly didn’t have any issues with what we did today. I’m not even sure there were life vests on the boat. I didn’t think about it, really. I surprise myself sometimes.

We arrived on the other side, climbed off the boat in the same manner, and saw how coconut candy is made. It’s a pretty interesting process. The guy who uses the giant, scary, pointy speak-like device that is anchored in the ground is talented if you ask me. He can apparently peel 1,200 coconuts per day on the spear without decapitating himself. That alone impresses me. The candy is delicious, especially after it is just made and is still warm. We bought a bunch to bring home for you guys to try if you’re interested.

We climbed back on the boat and continued on to the next stop, where we walked through a really beautiful garden. There were a few scary monkeys in cages that Kim fed and one giant, horribly, nasty python that was capable of killing and eating a person (really, I’m not just saying that to be funny ~ Kim said it is capable of eating a human). It was huge and not okay at all.

After that, we wandered to the “snack” area, where we had tea and some of the most amazing fruit ever: papaya, dragon fruit, pineapples, and mini bananas. Mattix LOVED the mini bananas. I mashed up little bites in my fingers and let him lick them off. (Yeah, that’s how I do it these days. I squash banana on my fingers and stick them in his mouth. I think I officially qualify as “mom.”)

Next came the worst part of the day. I wasn’t worried about falling in the Mekong and drowning. Whatever. But having a horrible python put around my neck? That about did me in. I included the photos just so you’ll believe that I did it. If you know my extreme fear of snakes, you’ll understand why I look this way in the photo. (Kedra, next time we hike the mountain and there are rattle snakes all over, I’ll be good to go. I’m obviously good with the snakes.)

After doing a few more touristy-things (during which they try, try, try to sell you stuff, and during which Ed and I were weak, weak, weak), we climbed into row boats and headed down the channels. That was actually really neat. By this time, Mattix had fallen asleep in the Baby Bjourn. We knew the sleeping part wouldn’t last long, but we were both really happy about that because he usually resists being held tightly against us enough to relax. He actually fell asleep while we were doing rice wine shots at the tea table (we’re a crazy group of partiers, the Walls – our travel mates – and us), so we transitioned him to the carrier where he fell back to sleep. Climbing into the row boat with the baby strapped to me was certainly interesting. It’s pretty unsteady and it feels like you’re going to tip over into the water. I could just envision Mattix and I going down, poor little guy strapped to me in the carrier. I figured if I fell into that water, I’d prefer them to just let me go down, ‘cause I probably wouldn’t ever be the same again. That water does NOT look clean, and I do NOT want to know what lives in there.

There was more to the tour, but nothing super exciting and this is getting a bit long. We stopped for lunch on the way home, wherein both the babies were not havin’ it and were not interested in allowing their parents to eat at the same time. This restaurant seemed a bit more touristy and most of the food was fried. It was really good, and really, when am I one to turn down fried food? I don’t know exactly what I ate because I chose it based on the pictures, but I really enjoyed it all. Ed had his own little fan club of three (female) Vietnamese servers who gathered around the table and stayed there the entire time, rolling each of his pancakes (something to do with rice, shrimp, crab, cheese, and some other stuff) in lettuce and vegetables for him, then smiling and giggling each time he took a bite and indicated it was good. If I weren’t trying to entertain Mattix, who by that time had made a HUGE mess with some teething biscuits that Karen had given him (and that he LOVES), I might have found the whole fan club amusing. However, lazy, rude American that I am, I was mostly just wondering why one of the fan club didn’t want to hold the baby?!

The highlight of the day for Ed occurred when Kim, the travel guide, told Ed that Mattix looked like him. La also said that last night. Lost of family and friends have told him that over the past nine months each time we received a set of pictures. I used to roll my eyes, but now that two Vietnamese people have validated it, I’ll stop making fun of him and concede the point. Kim also said that Ed could be Vietnamese. We were buying a T-shirt during the tour for someone at home and I asked for a large. Kim engaged in some serious discussion with the vendor, then asked us if it would be for someone “like” Ed or a “big American.” We indicated the latter, so they gave us a 2XL, which honestly is probably slightly smaller than an American size large. Remind me never to shop in Vietnam. My ego can’t handle it. I’m going to keep hitting up Banana Republic, where I totally buy into the theory that I’m a size 2 because that’s what the pants that fit say I am, and there’s no chance that Banana Republic downs their sizes to make consumers feel good about purchasing their clothing, thereby increasing their sales. No, it’s because I’m really a size 2. ThankYouVeryMuch.

Ed asked Huey (the CHI’s rep who went with us today) to teach him how to say “I love you” to Mattix in Vietnamese. After much gentle correction and practice, he’s fairly sure he has it down. He impressed his fan club at the restaurant with it, so he must be pretty close. If you’ve seen the movie Babe, Ed thinks it sounds like the pig when he says, “Baaa Ram Ewe!” I have no idea how to spell it, but it sounds something like “Ba ew gong.” When the mom says it, she says, “Ma ew gong.” Vietnamese is so difficult because it is all tonal and there are SIX tones. I think that in order to ever really learn to speak Vietnamese with any skill, it would be necessary to live here for a period of time to go for total immersion.

Actually, I need to correct myself. I think the real highlight of Ed’s day happened tonight, when he went out by himself to take photos (while I sat at home with the baby, barefoot, slaving over the stove, cooking him dinner…) First, a few children rooked him into buying gum (that he actually brought back and suggest I chew. Seriously? I think not). He apparently tried to resist first, but when the little girl told him he was handsome, he relented. Much like me at the market yesterday, he’s pretty sure she really thought he was handsome. It had nothing to do with her wanting him to buy the gum. He was most impressed when she skipped (literally skipped) out in the rushing traffic to sell gum on the other side of the street. He said she just took off skipping, out into six lanes of traffic that never stops, and made it to the other side whole, without hesitating once. Scary.

Second, he’s pretty sure he was proposition by a hooker. I asked him how he knew this, and he said he had a good idea when she said, “I go back to room with you.” I guess that might be the first clue. And when he said, “Um, no thank you” and smiled uncomfortably, she said, “Why you make that face? I go back to you room with you, okay?” Here’s what I think. If he’d had his special translation book with him (to read all about the translation book, click here:

Oh, and Mom, Ed wanted me to tell you that we have yet to find a place that serves sweet & sour sauce or sweet mustard. Strange, huh? Although we didn’t ask anywhere so as not to thoroughly embarrass ourselves, we have not seen either yet. The fish sauce here is amazing, though, and I think even you would love it. If I can find some to bring home, I will because you’re missing out.

A few little Mattix factoids:

- He weighs just over 18 pounds
- He makes the a cute little smacking sounds with his lips when he likes what he’s eating
- He claps his hands when he gets really excited and also bounces up and down
- He started sucking his cheeks in and making a really funny noise while doing it today. We think he might be trying to mimic us giving him kisses, but he’s just a little off
- When we’re playing on the bed, he throws himself down on his stomach and rolls around. If Ed or I lay down next to him, he rolls up to us, looks us in the eye, and smiles. It’s priceless
- He started blowing spit bubbles today. Kinda gross, kinda cute
- He fits right in with his mommy – he’ll eat just about anything. The boy can eat like a champ. If we’re eating, he wants what we have and gets quite irritated when we won’t share. Makes me proud! (Oh, and he’s a messy eater just like me, too!)
- Sometimes he likes having his diaper changed, other times it really, really annoys him and he lets us know.

Time to end today’s novel. It is 2:15 in the morning, I missed the “good” sleeping hours long ago (the first two or three, where Mattix screams, tosses and turns the least), the scabies must be gettin’ busy making baby scabies because I itch like crazy, and I think the bird flu is worsening. Because we don’t actually have to be anywhere tomorrow morning, I’m sure Mattix will wake up around 4:00 a.m., 5:00 at the latest, so I’d better catch a few hours while I can.

We miss you all lots!

OH, AND FOR THE RECORD: I have not posted all these pictures with me in them because I enjoy seeing my slimy skin, frizzy hair, man arms, and lazy eye over and over and think that you will, too. It’s because Ed won’t share his beloved camera very often (he apparently doesn’t trust me with the camera, but no worries with the baby) and all of the photos we have of Mattix today were taken when we were out and therefore I was carrying him. I’m not about to set my baby down in the boat to get a good solo shot, so we’ll all just have to deal with it.

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